Some people stay in their marriage for ‘the children’. It’s understandable, and it’s one way to go. If you do this, have you asked yourself how long you will stay? Is it forever? Perhaps you will still be sitting there when your child is thirty, in a marriage you emotionally checked out of twenty years ago. Or maybe you will stay and have a private life on the side, or a new understanding with your spouse?

There will be many middle-aged children today who realise that their parents may have had this type of obligatory marriage, as divorce in a religious society was frowned upon. This may have happened to you. If you had been given a voice, what would you have said to your parents?

The truth is that there is no ideal time to leave a marriage. There will always be something coming up: Christmas, Easter, a birthday, a new school year, or a summer holiday. Everyone in the family will be affected by your divorce. There’s no getting away with it; there will be sadness. However, should you choose to stay, your unhappy marriage will also affect everyone in the family.

Our children are like little sponges; they take it all in. Even before they develop a complex vocabulary, they can sense the emotional atmosphere around them. If they live in a home with unhappiness and arguments, they will learn to be guarded and perhaps even frightened.

Therefore, when you have a child, you have a responsibility to act in their best interest. You can stay or go, but either way you have to do the work. If you are going to stay, you have to do the work to make your marriage happier and more fulfilling. If you are going to leave, then do it well and with consideration for your spouse, ensuring the smoothest transition possible. Make your decisions child-friendly so that, in the future, they can feel comfortable with either parent. It is sad that a marriage has ended, but don’t make it a tragic event by having a bad divorce.