Today or sometime in the next week will be the first day of school for many children.

I can reach into my memory bank and picture the little blue blazer, cap, tie, shirt, and grey trousers. The first day of school for our boys was a very happy day. I remember tying a tie on a fidgety four-year-old and feeling nervous and full of trepidation. Could they sit still? Would they remember to say please and thank you and take turns patiently? I was definitely more nervous than they were. This was the day that would start the rest of their lives! Looking back, I can see that I was perhaps taking it far too seriously; after all, it was just the first day of many.

What matters in those memories is that my husband and I could take the boys into school together. We both wanted to see the boys march in with their shiny shoes and little bookbags. We wanted to watch them smile and perhaps be a little cheeky. Neither of us wanted to miss the occasion.

I often sit with fathers who never get to experience the first day of their child’s education. There’s usually a lot of sadness. They often say they would love to be there but haven’t felt able to attend. The fathers are often named on their child’s birth certificate and thus have a right to be involved in their child’s education, but a breakdown in the relationship with their ex-partner means that they are prevented from attending. They feel they don’t have permission, and sadly, some don’t even know the name of the school their child will be attending.

I woke this morning to the news that within the last 24 hours, Prime Minister Modi (India) met with President Putin (Russia) and had a chat regarding Ukraine. He told him to ‘shift from endless war to an end to the war, to a cessation of hostilities’, and that ‘everyday war sets humanity back’.

This made me think that for some ex-couples, there’s an endless war to their divorce, and that it sets everyone involved back. Just like Russia / Ukraine, it can’t go on forever. It will end eventually, and in the meantime, the pain is tragic.